We Don't Have to Stay

And other things I'm learning

Thanks for joining me for the January edition of The Gathering Place, a little online space where I write about faith and how I see the world. And hopefully it’s a place where we can gather, encourage one another and perhaps even wrestle together as we seek to become better neighbors in this world. As the self-professed “Queen of Decluttering”, I vow not to clutter your inbox. For now, this newsletter comes out just once a month. I know there are a million things you could be doing with your time right now, so the fact that you’ve decided to spend a few moments here with me? Well, I don’t take that lightly. I’m so glad you’re here.

As I began to write for this newsletter, it became pretty clear that this month’s theme would be “letting go.” Seems fitting for the start of a new year. Sometimes we have to clear away the old to make way for the new.

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To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes 
to let it go,
to let it go.

-Mary Oliver, In Blackwater Wood

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We Don’t Have to Stay

I lay the project down, fingers outstretched to relieve the cramping in both hands. The yarn wrapped tight along my size 10 needles. There are “tight knitters” and “loose knitters” I’ve been told, and I happen to be a tight knitter. A very tight knitter.

I could barely get the needle beneath the yarn to create the next row. This was my umpteenth attempt to create a scarf, but my efforts had produced little fruit. My mother is a knitter, and my grandmother was a knitter, too. For most of my life, my grandmother rarely strayed from her reclining chair, but she always had a basket of yarn and her knitting needles close by – creating sweaters for children and blankets for babies, she was always working on a knitting project. Even in her later years when her eyesight failed her, she could knit by memory – my mother, roles reversed, helping her fix any mistakes.

When I started homeschooling my daughter three years ago, we thought it would be fun to learn a new handicraft. When we saw that the local library was hosting a knitting group, we showed up with eager hearts. The older women were gifted and skilled artists, far beyond our novice abilities, their years of experience on display in the intricate details of their work. But they were so generous with their knowledge, and patient with us as they taught us how to cast the yarn onto the needles and knit our first rows.

Of course, COVID hit soon after and those group classes were put on hold. Luckily one of the grannies in the group armed us with a book title. After class, she approached us quietly, as if on a stealth mission and whispered, “Stitch ‘n Bitch. You need to get your hands on a book called ‘Stitch ‘n Bitch.’ It will teach you all you need to know.” So naughty, this book. It was Stella’s delight to be able to try out the word “bitch” since it was, after all, in the book title. This is the bible of beginning knitters, and it indeed walked us through the steps of casting on, knitting and purling, and casting off. We pulled it out each winter, thinking that it would be a fun project to pursue on those long, dark, cold days.

For the better part of three winters, I attempted to knit this beginner scarf from the Stitch ‘n Bitch book, with varying degrees of success. The problem wasn’t the book, or the needles, or even the cheap acrylic yarn that splits with each stitch. The problem was me. I just don’t really enjoy knitting. As I wrestled with the yarn on that final day, I realized that I’m never actually going to wear this scarf, and I wasn’t enjoying the process. I realized that I could appreciate knitters and their craft, I could even support their work by purchasing their lovingly handmade items, but I was not actually a knitter myself. I bagged it all up, posted it on my local Buy Nothing page and said good-bye to it forever. It was a relief, really. This bag of yarn, this unfinished project taunted me each winter - an unfinished project that remained…unfinished.  I was happy to release it. Sometimes we try something new, to see if it fits, and then we realize that it doesn’t. Or maybe it once did, but it doesn’t anymore. It was liberating to come to the realization that I didn’t have to stay.

So, in case you need that reminder, too:

We don’t have to stay…
with that activity that doesn’t bring us joy.
with that relationship that threatens our peace.
with that social media page that causes us to compare.
with that habit that is having a negative impact on us or those around us.
with that “good” thing that is consuming too much of our time.
with that institution that feels unjust.
with that belief that we no longer hold.

We don’t have to stay.

Maybe there’s something we are being called to release? (Or at the very least set some boundaries around.) What is your spirit prompting you to leave behind?

Please don’t misunderstand me. I believe in staying. I pride myself on seeing things through and persevering – I don’t believe in abandoning things too soon. I don’t think we should just get up and leave when things get hard. After all, there are many hard things that are beyond our control. There are some hard things that simply cannot be set aside, they are knitted into the fabric of our days. I’m not talking about those things – I’m talking about the things we can control. Sometimes, as we grow and change and transform, things that once felt like home no longer feel right in our spirit, you know? Maybe that’s why yoga is really resonating with me this month – it reminds me to breathe, and to use the exhale to let go of what no longer serves. As my online yoga teacher says, “On the mat we move, we shift, we make adjustments. So it goes with life.”

I’ll admit that sometimes I’m slow to let go of things that perhaps should have been released a while ago. Sometimes I have a habit of staying too long, if not in presence, then in mind.  Is it stubborn hope? Pride? Fear? Maybe all of the above. I admit it’s hard to let go and a bit complex. It can be scary to move on to something new, to move into something perhaps completely unknown. And it’s often painful and disorienting to see the end to things, to lose the comfort of familiarity, particularly if some of those things were so special and sacred to us. But I think it’s okay to express gratitude for a season and then gracefully release it when that season is over.

Lately, I’ve been trying to shift my perspective to ask the question, “What is God inviting me to?” What could be next for us if we listened to the still small voice and left behind the things that are no longer serving us? What if we were brave enough to leave the comforts of the familiar to embrace something new? What new things could we learn? What new people could we meet? What new perspectives would challenge us?

Maybe we would take that class or learn a new skill.
Maybe we’d meet new people with new perspectives.
Maybe we’d exchange healthier habits for unhealthy ones.
Maybe we’d find more time for reading, walking, deep conversations, or yoga!

There has been a lot of loss these past few years. I don’t think anyone has been left untouched by it. But each new day is an invitation to live into something new, if we can just get quiet enough to listen to where God is leading.

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Things I’m Loving

🏠 I am loving this new online shop called Bell & Britton! A mother-daughter team with a real talent for making a house feel like a home. I love their use of color and natural materials, so right before Christmas I purchased a few small gifts for my neighbors (like these fire starters! So pretty and practical.) and a few things for myself (like these linen coasters in natural, these linen napkins in poppyseed, and these hand-crafted wooden napkin rings in applewood)! If you’re looking for some treasures for your own home, be sure to check out this women-owned business.

Photo by Bell & Britton

🪷 Last month, I created a writing challenge for myself, and this month the challenge is yoga. I like to set these small goals for myself - we can do anything for a short period of time, right? And I’ve often found that they help to develop healthy habits that stick.

I’ve never been one to enjoy yoga. It’s often felt too slow for me and honestly a little woo woo, but it’s one thing I keep coming back to every now and again - mostly when my lower back and shoulders are screaming that it’s time. Currently I’ve surrendered to the idea that stretching is good for my body, and silence is good for my soul. So here I am, doing a 30-day yoga challenge and I’m actually enjoying it. My back feels better, my body feels stronger, my spirit feels more centered. Sometimes it’s a challenge to get to the mat, but I always feel good afterward. It’s free, and most of the yoga sessions are only about 20 minutes long - it’s not too late to practice if your back is calling you, too. (This is basically me. ⬇️)

🆓 In the spirit of letting go, I must share that I am loving my local Buy Nothing group on Facebook. I’ve been a member for years, and when my small house gets too cluttered, I post all of my unwanted treasures on this site and the Decluttering Fairies come to take it away. I’ve also found a few things that I’ve needed over the years, like a gently used Ryobi drill for my carpentry projects! We save money, and it keeps perfectly useful items out of the landfills. So, if you haven’t done so already, go get thee to your nearest Buy Nothing group!

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As I close out this newsletter, I thought it would be fun to do a little wellness check on my plants. I have a lovely little collection that sits above my writing desk, and they are thriving! This is a new thing for me as I have a bit of a reputation around here. 😏 You may think this one doesn’t count because it is a succulent - they are notoriously impossible to kill, but believe me, I manage. This baby has been nourished to flourish! - a cutting from someone in my Buy Nothing group. ❤️🌱

Thanks for reading, friends! Grace and peace to you, until next time…
xo, Jana

In case you missed last month’s post, you can find that here:
Advent - The Season of Waiting